Peace of the Puzzle

My son loves puzzles and (allow me to brag) he’s pretty good at them.

Intended for older kids? No problem. He’ll work diligently trying connections over and over until at last he’s looking at a completed picture, staring at me expecting applause as he puts the last piece into place.

My daughter, on the other hand loves the taste of puzzles.

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The Only One

when you needed me
i fell asleep
you said ‘tell everyone’
but you’re a secret i keep

how can they see you
through everything i do?
how can it be true
that you’re good news?

’cause i never change
still spinning around
looking for answers i have
already found

and i’ve tried work, women, and whisky
they all left me thirsty
but even i can’t deny
you’re the only that satisfies me 

when i’m broken
you’re the healing i need
i don’t know why sometimes i
just let it bleed

it’s not cool to say ‘sin’
and i so want to fit in
i trade my mask for skin
i’m tired of pretending

’cause i never change
still spinning around
looking for answers i have
already found

and i’ve tried work, women, and whisky
they all left me thirsty
but even i realize
you’re the only that satisfies me 

what i believe

this is what i believe.
i believe something went terribly wrong.
i believe in the brokenness of every one.
i believe in the existence of a cure.
i believe there is a God.
i believe there is a reason for everything.
i believe this life is full of pain.
i believe this life is not the only.
i believe the words of Christ.
i believe He took the bullet for me.
i believe i don’t always believe this.
i believe that is my deepest shame.
i believe faith does not equal happiness.
i believe faith is a source of comfort.
i believe i have a reason for joy
i believe i have a reason for tears.
i believe i don’t know much.
i believe God wants to be chosen
i believe He doesn’t make us slaves
i believe mercy sounds like silence.
i believe grace is blind to deeds.
i believe that is my only hope.

at your word

they say i can’t depend on you for anything
unless i depend on you for everything
am i saved from the fires of hell
by the weak wings of tinkerbell?
if i doubt, will i hear your voice?
does it really simplify down to my choice?
if i only hear what i know i will
i’m a deaf skeptic, seeking you still
though in word, no not in deed
for you must not be all i need
i find the tangible an easy trick
just be patient, i’ll make this quick
i’m the whore, dressed up in fishnets
lie down with the moon, cause the sun will forget
i can face you and say that you never were fair
deep down i’ll wonder if i’m lecturing air
bold like a child playing with daddy’s gun
all in the sacred name of fun
i twist the spear stuck in your side
while lamenting how you prefer to hide
empty are all the answers i have heard
until i take you at your word

prodigal

would you take me home if i asked to leave
would You wait for me when i’m slow to believe
when i ask to see what’s up Your sleeve
will You tell me “wait” and let me grieve

are You leaning in to hear me now
one servant in a massive crowd
You know what i’m saying when i don’t know how
do You ever want to speak out loud

do You sigh when You see me run
into the shadows, a wayward son
until i return pain in my lungs
asking, “Father what have i done?!”

would You give me peace in a warring land
and a joy that i can’t understand
do You ever stare at the scars on Your hands
remembering the price of this man?

whatever’s next

he found her from the footprints in the snow
she ran away but she had nowhere to go
and no lie could be a fitting mask
one look and he didn’t have to ask

with an arm around her shoulder he stayed there
in the silence she knew that he cared
she cried until the tears froze to her cheek
he wiped her face and found the voice to speak

he said “i don’t know what you’ve been through
but whatever’s next i’ll go with you”

she wished she’d never heard his words before
but they’re often said by guys trying to score
everyone who’s held her has told her to lie down
and look for love in between sheets
(where it cannot be found)

but something in his voice closed her eyes
and she hoped for once love wasn’t telling lies
she leaned in to kiss him thinking that would make him stay
he put a finger to her lips and again she heard him say

i don’t know what you’ve been through
but whatever’s next i’ll go with you

what man

what man would fight an army
what man would stand alone
hearing the predictions
facing unbeatable foes

but love, now here i stand
drawing shallow breath
outnumbered by the hopeless
facing certain death

i refuse to say i’m sorry
of love i’m not ashamed
i do not fear the falling
when i speak your name

to keep this somehow special
is this just a common tale
of a boy who pledged his heart
and eventually he fails

the enemy is moving in
what makes me think dreams come true
all the evidence i need
i find in you

wolf

i have no excuse
to be turned loose
i might do it all again

i hardly have chance
in this circumstance
it might happen again

here i stand, without the proof
to show you that i speak the truth
i’m crying
i’m crying
wolf

you know that before
i stood up and swore
that it was a brand new day

you know that i lie
i will not deny
this time i mean what i say

pardon

12/16/2000

spotlights stroll the prison yard
i’m stuck back in a shadow
fifty feet from the closest wall
watching dogs alert with my fear
a tug of a leash and it’s clear
i start out slow, unsure of the plan
they’re looking for reasons to kill a man
cheek to the wall, grabbing at brick
the harsh glow passes, just at my feet
and i pull and grunt almost shout
but make it up there – halfway out
but what does freedom offer me
here i get meals and a place to sleep
maybe the best i could ever find
maybe the world is worse than i recall
and i call out for some help down
the dogs let loose and soon surround
the pounding thought, “what have i done”
i should have had the nerve to run
it’s not so bad, the slamming cell door
just that i’ve been here before
i can never go back to when this was new
when i heard stories and believed a few
no, now i have the facts of the matter
regret for the deed that brought me here
the cold ringing of taunting keys
someone is here to see me
they lead me out – into sunlight
and the gate is sliding…click
i turn around and face my past
sealed up tight and silent
but this is not fair, this is not right
who sleeps in my cell tonight?
no hope of parole, no i had to die
could someone have changed their mind?
oh i draw a breath of fresh, free air
to ask, “why am i here, and who is in there?”

trepidation

10/25/2000

God, if i give you what you’ve earned
the sacrifice that is meant to burn
what will become of the world i know
shallow laughs with lies below

trepidation, face of fear
as Your promised land draws near
what if i can’t handle being real
what if i break what time can’t heal

but there’s the answer, time is myth
just a curse that breath comes with
and only your touch makes one of two
and let’s me free of the things i do

when Christ walked here, He did not sin
did He sometimes feel trapped in His skin
no, time was the cage that humbled the King
trapped in minutes from eternity

do you remember, or have you moved on
sitting in darkness, waiting for dawn
it’s past midnight here, what can i do
i have no choice but to wait on You